Cleaning Things Up

I feel pretty distracted, usually, in the world. Where this came from or when this started is hard to determine...it just happened. I think that's the case for a lot of people who feel like they have no attention span, and so on, so I don't think there's anything particularly remarkable about it. Like everyone, then, I'm either giving in to what I see as a lack of choice or determination in my life or to take back that control. I think, like most people, doing something about this really comes down to basic things: Turning notifications off on my phone, deleting apps, and—more than anything—just doing one thing at a time. To me, that's the thing that really has rotted away my attention: Watch a show and tap around on my phone (so the show doesn't really get watched).

I saw The Odyssey (2026) yesterday—on opening day, I didn't even realize it! (A local, independent theater is doing a full 70mm screening, so I picked up a ticket. I didn't think I'd see it till it was almost out of cinemas.) To my left, an older woman couldn't stop herself from texting on her phone in her purse and to my right, a man left his phone in the cupholder, which constantly lit up with notifications and vibrated with a couple of calls! Happily, the phone did not ring, but you could hear the vibrating against the plastic and you could feel the vibration on the seats! The poor people in front of us must have felt crazy, looking around like they were.

So one thing and preferably not that thing being the cellular telephone. I owe my attention, my taste, and my enjoyment to paying attention to one thing. This is easy if I'm reading a printed book, there's such a physicality to it that engenders the attention and "flow state," if you will, in reading. And I've largely lost reading. I think it's common to come and go from "streaks" of reading, but I can't remember the last book I picked up and finished. I get distracted or I don't want to commit to the act of reading to begin with.

What does all this have to do with "cleaning things up?" I have digital hoards. Long ago I went all in on digital purchases. I was young and moving around; not having physical media to move was so, so much easier. In some ways I regret that, but I can't bring myself to purchase again something I have already purchased. There isn't an ideal consumerism—maybe if my salary increases quite a bit, debts go down, I'll build multiple libraries, but not now—and I don't want to wring my hands over it. Digital media is just extremely easy to have around, but then I'll never do anything with it. So the satisfaction is just in...what? I think it's a misplaced act of identity. I have these things, so these things say this about me...whatever that is. I've had enough. I'm deleting things. I'm going to choose to purchase things, even an inferior, digital license that could be swept away at any moment, because then I've made a decision about something that I want to enjoy or engage with.

This is simple for movies, shows, and video games; I rarely replay those and I have enough of a collection right now that I can press the breaks. I adore books and music, though, and I have little of either. I've gone back to streaming music, which I appreciate to hear a lot of music and the ease of taking it with me, and I listen to music a lot and often. But I would like to invest in something in my home rather than playing something off of my computer or forbid, my phone speaker. I have a nice speaker, nothing amazing, so I would like to go the extra step and buy a record player, then build a small collection of records that are meaningful to me and, most importantly, that I return to often.

And books! To have empty shelves is shameful. I love to borrow books from the library, but my library system is in a strange rut right now with moving books between branches of the library. They don't have enough drivers, so book holds take interminably long to arrive for check-out! Books are cheap, though, and even if I don't like a book, I'm happy to give it to a friend or a charity shop. Books should come and go; even if I give away something I love, I can find it again.

Ultimately, I just want to read again and I want to read mostly. I want to go to the cinema more. I want the warm tone of a vinyl record filling my home. I want to go to a friend's to watch TV...except for Bravo reality shows, that's for sure my poison!