Tell Everyone About Your Hero[in]ism

A friend sent me a link to an interview in Natiulus titled I Am a Heroin User. I Do Not Have a Drug Problem. I trusted that she sent it to me because she thought based on the headline that it would be a very sober take (or the opposite, either/or). Against my better judgment, I read the interview. At first my most novel thought was “of course he’s a professor at Columbia.” But then I thought a bit more and had another novel thought. Over on The New Leaf Journal, I have been a long-time advocate of telling the public about my heroic deeds, going back to my great trash can rescue of 2020. In that spriit, I have, for the elucidation, enjoyment, and general benefit of the reading public, bestowed upon readers the true heroic stories of my reporting a broken link to the United States Department of Justice, single-handedly lifting a car out of the snow,  and righting a fallen outdoor planter. As I advised readers in my most recent heroism article:

[T]he most important part of being a hero is telling everyone about your heroism

Upon reflection, I have concluded that heroin-using professor, who is definitely not in any way dependent on heroin, came across my philosophical perspective on heroism and misunderstood me as advising him to tell everyone about his heroinism. It all makes sense now.

(PS: Hat-tip Nautilus for proving that slop social media bait can be written by human beings and not in the standard Buzzfeed listicle format.)

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