Maybe this is too much.

I've been trying to hold it in but I must, unfortunately, share some of my pains with the universe.

Pregnancy's going well, if we ignore literally everything that's wrong with me: first came the tumors, then the exhaustion, then brain fog, and recently not only a sprinkle of anemia but also face paralysis that renders me unable to eat and drink normally as well as impedes my eye closing, so I have to sleep with eye patches - and shooting nerve pains that make me wake up in so much pain that it causes my brain to hallucinate (I'm assuming because it's still in dream mode when I wake up).

So, you know, great stuff and what a blessing it is to bring a human into the world etc. Thrilling, really.

This isn't to say I am bitter or angry. I am still coping well and absolutely not blaming or resenting the baby to come. The baby has a name, and close family is already steadily gifting clothes and other accessories (which we're very grateful for, as money is tight).

Due to my various afflictions, I've unfortunately had to stop working a lot sooner than expected, which of course is a contributing factor to my overall poor mood recently. For someone as non-capitalist as I am, I sure do love to work. Maybe not so much the work itself but the chase of bigger and better things and my terrible, awful, incessant perfectionism.

Weirdly, most 'normal' pregnancy symptoms have eluded me (cravings in general, bloating, constipation, nausea, etc.) but the trade-off being that every weird affliction is being thrown my way does not seem incredible. Here's another fun fact (which I am sharing purely because it just happened): every time I lean forward while sitting, the baby kicks until I sit up straight. Clearly even from inside the womb this baby is unapologetic about taking all the space they need. A good sign indeed.